A dedication to the J’s

Word life

Random Observation/Comment #32: Game arcade rooms are smoke-full zones.Hunched backs, arthritis stricken fingers, tired eyes, and blackened lungs are common side effects to these hardcore gamers.

True friends are hard to come by and even harder to define.I will represent the warped, twisted, and surprisingly simple perspective of a guy.I give fair warning that you are about to be immersed in a universe unexplored by only half of the human population.Those who have tried to understand us may think they see things the way we see it, but they’ve only skimmed the surface of what is the male brain.At least the attempts of our female counterparts have been consistent (and mostly successful in neutering our best soldiers), but as a whole, we have surrendered any notion of “seeing on the same wavelength.”We’ve resorted to a retreat to the center of our world – where the essence of guy-hood is still warm.It’s the only place we have left to re-grow our balls.This is a place filled with alcohol, profanity, and competition.Here, there is sometimes a high amount of blood in our alcohol stream.It’s a place to just chill, relax, and occasionally chill-ax.

I’m sure girls have some similar ritual with ice cream, pillow fights, “the ‘prah”, and sappy movies in pajammy-jams (what? No one else calls them that?)We pretend to be interested in what you do and ask questions, but we honestly don’t really care.We think all girls are closet lesbians, and no matter what you claim you did at a sleepover, we believe it was a night of chocolate and boob comparisons.

Anyway, to get back on track, the entry is dedicated to best friends in the eyes of a guy (and thus will be filled with a lot of inside jokes).Friends fill that void in a part of your life where no lover could cross, and keep this distance to protect our masculinity.Hanging out together never really requires a plan, and usually ends up with a couple of beers at home with a movie or you tube video playing in the background.We don’t spend hours on the phone together, nor do we talk at three in the morning complaining about having too much work (which never really helps get work done).The phone is a technology that allows us to have these face-to-face meetings – it is not a means for “I can’t wait until tomorrow, but I have to tell you more about how much I like this guy and how he doesn’t like me” yadda yadda yadda.

We don’t place ourselves at the center of the universe, nor do we take it upon ourselves to ask other guys how they are doing.The closest we’ll ever get to communicate to our friends about random current events is through text messages – and trust me, these messages are so masculine that they have to travel through special satellite connections reserved for male-to-male cell phone SMS (it was obviously created by guys who have planned ahead for any overload of the normal system).In no way would there be 5 consecutive messages without mentioning a girl’s body part, a racial slur, or sarcasm.Actually, we’ve built our own language completely on sarcasm – it’s like the questions game, but we just continuously exaggerate, lie, or unenthusiastically say enthusiastic phrases back and forth.

The main reason we aren’t compelled to tell someone everything about ourselves is because we consistently feel the pain of being the receiver of this nagging from the females in our lives.We know better than to bother a fellow team member when he’s in front of his computer stalking girls on facebook, looking at porn, and playing games on facebook applications which simulate battle games (all simultaneously of course).G-d only gave you two hands for clicking the mouse and playing with your cash-and-prizes (Dane Cook) so there’s no room for a cell phone – that’s too much multitasking to ask from our simple minds.We live moment to moment looking for the next burst of happiness (no pun intended).

Happiness comes in small doses and it becomes more and more difficult to maintain.Like a drug addiction (maybe even a drug addiction), we look for more ways to capture our attention and entertain the emptiness.This is why friends exist.It doesn’t matter what you do or where you do it, but as long as you’re not doing it alone, we’re happy (no, I did not intend for that to also work with sexual pleasure).They’ll push you through the hard times (quite literally) and speak their mind when you’re doing something stupid.Most importantly, they’ll give you the worse advice in the world on purpose so you know exactly what not to do.“Yeah, you get extra points for running over people and side swiping buses.” Or, “it’s okay to have more than one girlfriend at a time.”Or, “that’s right, be friends with them before you have sex with them.”

All in all, we have a lower level understanding of each other that sometimes doesn’t even need full sentences.Sometimes a simple “word life” is the best communication of them all.

Cheers to the friends that became family and family that became friends.I love you all.Word life.

~See Lemons Miss you guys