“we were on a break”

I left my writing urges on the back burners this week as I scheduled my life for the next few months.  I feel the need to plan a little bit more than usual.  I’m sure the recently graduated class had a similar hyper-ventilating experience when the idea of growing up began seeping into our everyday lives.  “Wait, I’m out of college? What do I do now?”  I get this overall feeling that I just don’t want to do anything.  I have all these hobbies and aspirations, but none of them include something that can be used for making money.  Actually, these hobbies are so fun that it would be wrong to make money off of them (hah, yeah right – “If you’re good at something, never do it for free”).  I’m afraid of becoming that corporate asshole, yet I know that one day I will have to succumb to the cut throat business world.  Let’s prolong this as much as possible and stay chaotic.  Where’s my next adventure?

I feel like my routines have fallen into this mandate of heaven cycle. I can’t exactly say where it started, but my very first routine became boring and annoying (and it unfairly treated my citizens) so I overthrew it and replaced it with a new one; not necessarily better, but different.  Sure, there was the bloody battle and uneasy transition, but after fighting myself to adapt, I found a few days/weeks/months of peace.  Generations would pass and the routine would become corrupt with new whispers from observations of everyday life.  Thus, the cycle continues, but is it improving with the rise and fall?  As with the short term memory gaps between generations of grandchildren and grandparents, I have lost the horrific details and only passed on the glories of the new dynasty.

My new phase isn’t exactly new – It more closely resembles a reorganized set of priorities.  I feel older as the days pass (probably because I am older as the days pass).  I’m done with studying, but not with learning.  I’m done with intense partying, but not with socializing.  Things that used to make me ecstatic and click my heels, now only bring a grin and an extended blink of reflection.  I sense a disturbance in the force.  Man, growing up just sucks the fun out of life with a lobotomy or short-term memory loss.  Hopefully, “enjoying the finer things in life” will occupy me long enough to have a midlife crisis at the appropriate time – where’s my Porsche?

~See Lemons Infected with the Travel Bug

PS. Posting continuation of tour shortly