Random Observation/Comment #121: I made a very strict schedule for myself, and although I did a lot of work, it just doesn’t seem to be enough – it’s never enough. I thought about emotionally reacting to this ordeal, but I’ve found that wallowing doesn’t really help. I tried making myself feel better by going out and having a few drinks to celebrate the New Year and the holidays, but this only delayed my work. It seemed like everything I tried to do to make me feel better was actually just pushing the problem aside – the problem was actually never solved. They were all great successes at keeping me happy, and I was quite motivated to finish as much work as possible before I left to enjoy myself, but at the end of the day, I am still being metaphorically bent over and metaphorically violated by this metaphorical beast (let’s keep this clear to avoid any confusion of my sexual preferences).
I looked forward to every weekend and agreed to every outing, not because I thought I had time, but because I wanted to stop torturing myself. Unfortunately, this highly effective stress reliever left me with an incomplete thesis and project deadlines that squeeze tighter by the second. It is time to make that sacrifice – “you’re not doing anything unless you finish this thesis.” It is my last resort, but the less time I have, the more my adrenaline pushes through my system. It reminds me of those nights of cramming for exams and struggling with projects and other papers for four years. This stupid paper will not be the hurdle I trip over; not after jumping so many in the beginning of this race. There are so many more things for me to do, and my pure willpower that I exfoliate from my skin and eat for breakfast (ew), should fuel my desires.
From this day forward, I will devote 100% of my time to writing this paper. I will sleep 7 hours a night and give myself 4 hours in a day for eating and small breaks to keep me sane, which means that I will have 13 hours of writing each day. If I follow this work ethic, I should finish with my talking points by the end of tonight and get ready to jump back into the simulations by Thursday. The presentation is completed as much as possible without actually successfully achieving a working simulation, but it runs in at about 70 slides (I definitely have more than 45 minutes of material). All-in-all I feel like I have about 120 hours left of work on this thesis before I can get it over with. Even if I let up a few hours on my routine, I should be done with this in 10 days. I technically only have 6 days. Let’s see what happens. Please do some wishing, praying, sacrificing virgins, satanic chanting, evil rituals, and slaughtering goats for me.
~See Lemons Antisocial