My Last Last Hurrah

Cute Relaxation

Random Observation/Comment #220: There’s nothing more exciting than planning a trip.  It keeps me on my toes, and the constant research through travbuddy and flickr makes me anxious to explore even more destinations with my camera.  The drive to take pictures is even greater than ever with my new Canon Powershot S90.  I think it is the best purchase I ever made (other than the IBM x61 – don’t be jealous).  These are my friends on the road, and I have grown accustomed to their companionship.  We make sweet love often. Cheers and let the good times roll.

As Kwame put it, I am in the sweet spot between college and starting work.  I don’t have a worry in the world and I’m just going to enjoy it like I enjoyed that summer before college started (well actually, all of senior year in high school because once I knew I got into Cooper, I began using the phrase “whatever” in more frequency).  The only difference between this period and that summer is the fact that I’m much more creative now with how to spend my time. When I was 18, I was traveling Hong Kong, mostly playing video games, and eating interesting food.  I guess I had a better idea of how to relax back then, but now I take pictures and meet as many people as possible in all adventures.  I’m absorbed with different hobbies and I look for something to make life more interesting.

In all honesty, it seems like the last year of my life has been a last hurrah.  I’ve been traveling the world and conducting interesting research while looking through different perspectives I thought I had passed. After graduating Cooper, I thought I would never be able to live that dorm life style again, but I was gladly proven wrong with Hamburg.  As a nerd with my head stuck in books or girls all the time, I didn’t think I could let myself enjoy myself and see the world.  Now, more than ever, I feel like I’m just trying to avoid my mid-life crisis. Hopefully I will be able to read these entries and be less greedy and more content about the life I’ve lead.  I felt like I’ve done everything – I’ve explored my nerdy side, cultural side, touristy side, relationship-obsessed side, and overall creative side.  The world has really become my oyster and I have surely taken hold of it with my own free will.  Who needs these self help books anyway? Is it so difficult to find your own direction?

Well, in case you do want my opinion about it, all I did was simple: I made goals and then I geared my life to complete them.  I thought to myself, “What would be a cool thing to say you have done?”  After that, I just went out and did it.  No matter what happened, I always day-dreamed about doing something more, so I just put those dreams into reality by making the proper sacrifices to feel productive and efficient.  In doing this, I’m needed and included in my community.  I’m producing content instead of continuously absorbing it, and I’m making plans instead of just waiting for things to happen.

As you can tell from the previous entry, I have brain-washed myself into accepting the way of the world.  I will still be different in my own ways, but the real reason behind it was my fear of not being able to make every following year the best year of my life.  If I brought myself to the highest high too quickly, I think the only path left is to fall.  Over the past few months I’ve admired something more beautiful than robotics and artificial intelligence.  I envisioned the happiness of having life-long friends and bonds that could never be broken by any fight.  It felt like a sitcom.  What was that sitcom about a bunch of friends that share everyday-problems with their friends and it was hilarious, yet touching? Right – How I Met Your Mother.

Anyway, the more I traveled, the more I felt disconnected.  I met plenty of people that I call friends, but our limited time together did not build the same type of close-bond. We separated ourselves just the slightest bit because we knew we would be apart in the future.  In many ways, the travels alone made me feel … well… very lonely.  I had my journal as my closest friend to share some obscure ideas and confide my deepest secrets.  I kept looking for a home in all those cities, but I could never find one.

It is only in the past few months back from Europe when I realized that New York City is where I belong.  It helps make all my dreams come true and compliments every one of my hobbies.  Vacations in other cities can then truly be treated as vacations, and not research projects.  I have felt the waters, and I’m quite confident with my choice.  Thus, this “last hurrah” will truly be a vacation.  It sounds funny, but I needed to learn how to relax and let go.  Now that I’ve found what pushes my buttons, I can finally push the “Regenerate” one.  Thank you, Spain.

~See Lemons Back in Japan

%d bloggers like this: