A Groom’s Responsibility

Random Observation/Comment #531: Being a groom was pretty easy. I just needed to help pay for things and show up.

Wedding Photos by The Lilypad Agency

Wedding Photos by The Lilypad Agency

Congratulations! You’ve proposed and now you have to plan a wedding with your new fiancé! What should you expect? What should you be doing? What are your responsibilities as a groom?

  1. Read The Knot  wedding checklist (not all of the items may apply, but at least you get the appreciation for the amount of work that needs to get done).  AskWedding’s also has a very comprehensive list of to-dos.
  2. Download Pinterest (if you haven’t already used it for finding the right engagement ring)
  3. Encourage the use of Trello. It’s really useful for sharing and keeping track of tasks.
  4. Help with a vision. Start planning with an honest discussion about what’s important to your fiance and you. Agree on the musts (open bar? Lots of guests? Idyllic location?)
  5. Determine your “hard limits” (Like in building a tiny house, say what you won’t compromise on. You get 2 things you really want.)
  6. Help with decisions –even on the things you don’t understand. Showing interest earns lots of bonus points.
  7. Help with research. Look up and call 4-6 places you’d love to have your wedding. Call other vendors.
  8. Come up with a guest list early in the planning
  9. Set fun celebration milestone activities (e.g. Wine toast or cheat diet dinner)
  10. Exercise with your fiancé. They will be getting in shape no matter what shape they’re in, so support them in it.
  11. Create healthy habits. It’s a great stress reliever.
  12. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help
  13. Buy dancing lessons! Even if you don’t do a special choreographed dance, you should still know a few steps. It’s also really bonding. (Feel like this could be it’s own post)
  14. Cook healthy. I’m very bad at cooking healthy, but even just portioning better or eating a few salads helped.
  15. Write her a letter. Everyone loves a letter. Say all those sweet things.
  16. Make sure your responsibilities are done. If you are assigned to reaching out to your guests for confirmations or bad dates, you better do it earlier than later.
  17. Don’t talk about weddings all the time. Wedding planning can easily dominate a bride’s attention. She’ll appreciate it too.
  18. Designate a time to handle wedding tasks to help
  19. Be patient. Accept that your fiance will be stressed and you will argue.
  20. Talk with other recently married couples as a couple. They can give pretty honest and relevant advice. Brides are very empathetic to one another.
  21. Tell her she’s beautiful and you love her.
  22. Talk about and help out with fun details like honeymoon locations and cake toppers.
  23. Pick special readings for each other and share all those poems about love and journeys
  24. Write vows for each other by watching cheesy TV sitcom ceremonies (Include a cheesy inside joke in your vows)
  25. Pick your battles. While it’s your wedding too, understand your fiance has way more pressure and expectations than you do.
  26. Take charge of one of the vendors. This is a great way to contribute your own creativity.
  27. Suggest fun ideas and be okay with them getting shot down because they’re too much extra work.
  28. Remember to stay calm and help her calm down as well (except don’t say “calm down”)
  29. Discuss and Plan your life post-wedding.
  30. Celebrate the count down in fun ways (e.g. A little note, fun email to your wedding party, a romantic dinner).


Say these things: “That’s a pretty good deal.” “I think that could work out.”

Avoid saying these things: “No one cares about the ceremony programs!” “I think I’ll just invite everyone.”

~See Lemons Love Being a Groom