Random Observation/Comment #817: There’s a dad magnet at every Costco and it attracts me to the food and alcohol section. Give me that chicken bake. I can’t pass up a good deal.
Why this List?
The first 30 peak dad moments earlier this year wasn’t enough. This overflow list very quickly filled up and now I just feel like a domesticated suburban middle aged man wearing Costco stretchy pants. Damn these pants are so comfy.
- Checking the gas price wherever we visit
- Evie sticking her head in my shirt or standing on my feet and saying “Daddy, I want to play bad mood”
- Crying while watching Bluey. Also saying “just one more episode” even though Evie has lost interest and I’m still watching.
- Deep knowledge of kid stories. Oh, Amelia Bedilia, you take things so literally. Get your crap together, Arthur.
- Perfecting the mac and cheese and chicken nuggets cooking style
- Keeping a stocked pantry of fruit gummies and a saved jar of fortune cookies
- Showering in my bathing suit with Evie and drawing little feet on the glass door with the steam condensation
- Skills in flossing and brushing teeth
- Going on a Disney cruise with multiple neighborhood families and kids, and then sneaking away to smoke cigars and drink cognac while the kids hang out at 5th floor drop off
- Carrying Evie around on my head even though she’s probably too heavy by now and it hurts my neck
- Checking the weather during a cold storm and messaging people you know that might be in that area
- Taking a screenshot of the Denver garbage collection app to remind neighbors that it’s large item pickup tomorrow.
- Joining a fantasy football league even though I know nothing and have no interest in football (also joining a local recurring poker game, but I actually know how to play poker)
- Getting obsessed with AI faceswaps and doing them as a party trick when with other dads
- Watching YouTube series about bad dad jokes so you could shoot a slick one at the right time
- Calling the act of telling a dad joke “shooting a slick one”
- Getting obsessed with building a cat wall for my fur babies
- Doing research on the coolest chess sets in hopes that Evie would just pick it up and be a champion
- Continue raving about how good reverse osmosis ice is and how we need to get a clear ice machine in our basement (also constantly planning for a hidden bookshelf door to a secret room)
- Building a wall of shame filled with labels peeled from beers. It’s the most expensive and delicious wallpaper I’ve ever made.
- Settling into my standard dad outfit by wearing the same vest throughout the whole summer (you know the one)
- Bringing a neck fan to the Phish show during the 4-day show long weekend at Dick’s (which will forever be known as Phish-mas)
- Deciding it’s a good idea to change my whole look in a whim. The ‘stache will likely stay.
- Getting into pickling
- Coveting thy neighbor’s fancy gadgets. Do I need this camping light that can extend into a standing lamp? Yes. Yes I do.
- Randomly breaking out into song singing “I’m just Ken”
- Learning and then teaching how to properly cut and cook picanha
- Saying “I’ll be fine to look after Evie” and then immediately texting other dads asking “What are you doing tonight? Can we co-parent and try out some new beers?”
- Saying “We’re going home in 5 minutes” to Evie about an hour before actually leaving someone’s house
- Buying a Nintendo Switch for my wife’s birthday and saying it’s for Evie to play Mario Kart, but totally was for me to play Zelda Tears of the Kingdom for 80+ hours
~See Lemons Feeling Peaker Dad