Random Observation/Comment #130: It’s incredible how the mind works. When someone gives you a word or phrase, we somehow process it through our mental tree of possibilities to match the comment against some set of conditions. We very elegantly combine our senses, observations, and past experiences to react appropriately. The quick pauses of perplexed deep thought are appropriate when someone makes a random comment that really applies to nothing within a situation or any context. As you remember this person’s past jokes or abnormal tendencies, you stretch your mind to somehow fit into their realm of consciousness to, in any way/shape/form, try to think along the same wavelength. It’s that moment – starting from the abysmal cringe of confusion to the brightened “Oh” of enlightenment – that gives me much pleasure as a witness and an instigator of the act. It’s the sequential fire of neurons leading to that instant of understanding of a complex problem or terrible joke, which almost (just almost) convinces me to become a professor. One of those moments followed this conversation:
Friend: “Why are you so dressed up?”
Me: “I presented my Master’s thesis yesterday.”
Friend: “… (confusion) … (confusion) … ::Light bulb::”
Me: “Yes, I had a good night.”
If I could explain the emotional rollercoaster of finishing the presentation, it would most likely be related in a metaphorical, symbolic, or figurative literary manner. I want to include something about battling a mythological creature or compare it to the sexual peak in a fantasy between me, Jessica Alba, and Halle Berry (hint: I’m the meat in the sandwich). At least, there should be a Kodak moment of my mid-air jump with the simultaneous celebratory fist pump. And at the most of the least, there should be the public display of my rendition of the Happy Dance*.
After the last slide concluded and the final questions were answered, a smile snuck up smacked me across the face. If the smile were a person, he/she would be a ninja, and would have definitely performed this act in the form of a flying fist from Lu Kang in Mortal Combat (you know, the one where he looks like he’s lunging in mid-air). I did not try to suppress the smile because it gave me a moment of success, a sense of accomplishment, and a level of victory I will never forget.
Throughout my life, I’ve felt an array of “enjoyable” emotions (such as love, ecstasy, happiness, laughter, inebriation, and excitement), but it’s much more difficult to compare these to my particular feeling of success. The previous emotions, besides love (arguable) and laughter, do not require any mental review – they seem much more like a bodily reaction to the situation. In the case of success, I felt it as the “goodness” equivalent of your life flashing before your eyes. The feeling of success lead to smiling and an assortment of flavors in happiness, but if I were to pin point my enjoyment, it would be metaphysical. Before the rush of endorphins flowed throughout my body, I noticed a fluttering sparkle of thought that seemed to have sent my brain power gauge red-lining. I think it was the mental equivalent of an orgasm. It’s as if my ego became fully erect and stayed that way even with all the fun stuff in between.
I shook my advisors hand and watched the audience filter away. I mentally checked off the accomplishment listed under “goals” and enjoyed every moment possible. The feeling, not so surprisingly, did not last very long (really good feelings rarely do). I came down from that “high” and entered a new realm. There were many doors, metaphorically speaking (although, now that I think about it, there were a lot of real doors too), and I was flooded with a terribly inefficient weight system. I wanted to assign every pro and con a decimal multiplication factor, but the comparison of numbers in this internal spreadsheet just didn’t make sense.
Sooner or later, I had no idea what priority seemed more important. It looked like I needed to allocate another section to redistribute my attention span. It was at this point when I stepped into a shallow puddle of murky confusion – I would live through it, but unfortunately, not without ruined shoes and wet socks. For some reason, I have no idea where I was trying to go with that because I just started thinking about walking around in wet socks and it freaked me out. I think it might have been the alcohol talking. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was. Alcohol and I had a very long conversation over the course of the past 4 days.
~See Lemons unchained and without the boulder
*The Happy Dance involves a series of extremely embarrassing shuffles, slides, and head snaps to express my joy in a physical art form. It is quite contagious, but will more often than not cause a “pointing and laughing” syndrome.