30 Dad Jokes

Random Observation/Comment #621: When is an obvious joke a dad joke? When it becomes apparent…

Why this List?

When I watched Magic School Bus (MSB) back in the day, I thought Carlos was hilarious with his punny jokes. It took a long time to realize that those were channeling the best dad jokes. I personally love how there’s a clear one-sided love of the joke (mainly from the joke teller). The more it nerves and causes others to cringe – the better it is.

When you become a Dad, you get inducted into the Dad club with the Dad joke ceremony. You don’t join the club without a short chuckle or sigh response. True story.

  1. I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
  2. What did the cell say to the sister who stubbed his toe? Mitosis.
  3. How does a Zen Buddhist make a hotdog? He says “make me one with everything”
  4. What did Michael Jackson call his denim store? Billie Jeans
  5. What do you call a ghost poop? Boo Boo.
  6. Why couldn’t a toilet paper cross the road? He got stuck in a crack.
  7. What kind of hair do they sell at IHOP? Eggs-tensions.
  8. When does a sandwich cook? When it’s bakin’ lettuce and tomato
  9. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  10. What did the car say to it’s tires? Thanks for keeping it wheel.
  11. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
  12. Why was this guy’s birthday so stinky? Because he turned farty
  13. I’m a kleptomanic. Sometimes I get really bad and have to take something for it.
  14. How do you know if an ant is male or female? They’re all females or else they’d be uncles.
  15. How does a dog stop a video? He hits the paws button
  16. I really hate puns about German sausages. They’re the wurst.
  17. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
  18. What do you call a duck that’s addicted to drugs? A quackhead
  19. How did the whale defend itself? With a swordfish.
  20. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but luckily I turned myself around.
  21. What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.
  22. Why didn’t the pasta settle down? It liked being the macaroni.
  23. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
  24. I’m terrified of elevators. I’ll be taking steps to avoid them.
  25. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers
  26. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
  27. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
  28. To the person that stole my Microsoft Office. You have my word…
  29. I’m on a seafood diet… I see food and I eat it.
  30. “Dad, I’m hungry” … “Hi hungry” I’m dad.

~See Lemons Love Being a Dad

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